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AFTER CHILDBIRTH >> Family after childbirth >> The causes of the crisis in the family after the birth of first child.

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The causes of the crisis in the family after the birth of first child.

The causes of the crisis in the family after the birth of first child.According to statistics, many couples break up in the first two to three years after birth. In general, the divorce is subject to every other couple. Why? After all, it would seem, having a child makes a family complete. What is the cause of misunderstanding between husband and wife? Maybe it's excessive vanity male or female incontinence? Perhaps things are not so simple ... 

  At first her husband 

Here's how to see the problem and its solution Benjamin Spock: "At heart, the husband may feel odd (so the little boy sometimes feels rejected when he finds out about the mother's pregnancy). Externally, it is a hidden feeling manifests itself in irritability towards his wife, in an effort to spend the evening with friends outside the home, courting other women. at the same time his wife is deprived of her husband's support at a time when she needed it the most, when a new, unfamiliar stage of her life ".

Great pediatrician of all time shows us that during the emergence of the baby in the family hard, not only for his mother, but also his father. He writes: "Coming to the maternity hospital to visit his wife and child, the husband does not feel the head of the family - the staff he's just another visitor. It is time to bring the family back home, but his wife (as my grandmother or other assistants) are concerned only about the child, and again the husband plays the main role of a porter. "

After these words know her husband. Why and what sometimes he behaves properly. It simply say resentment and jealousy, that now it is not needed, if fulfilled his duty and is now free.

All aimed at her husband's attention is now given to the child. By the way, girls calling the "mother" is much more meaningful than "wife". Therefore, the husband takes a back seat.

Many men first six months can not realize that they have more children except his wife appeared. Benjamin Spock offers to actively involve her husband in the process of preparation for the birth and care of the baby. Spouses can visit the doctor together, to go to counseling and courses in preparation for childbirth. If your husband wants to attend the birth, do not deny it. You can devote the future pope not in all the sacraments birth of an heir. For example, a husband may be limited in order to help the expectant mother in the prenatal ward. After the baby is born, it can invite to his wife. The woman will be grateful for your support in difficult times. In the prenatal ward, he would indeed be necessary! Such active participation in the labor rally a couple more, will set up further to the right family life, friendly direction.

In the future, to care for the baby and try to connect her husband. Even if it would be purely symbolic, but it is very important for the atmosphere in the family. In the early days the task to change a diaper little one can put Dad into a dead end, and the process will be delayed. But over time, he will succeed. Husband as well as wife learns to care for the baby.

And now his wife

Without special attention and care of the young mom does not. And taking care of her husband should not be limited only to making money. Kind words, just a bunch of flowers, home help and care of the child - sometimes it is enough to keep a strong family.

"The husband should always remember that his wife falls much harder than him, especially after returning home from the hospital. Her body has experienced fundamental physiological and hormonal changes. If this is their first child, a wife can not but be of serious concern. A child constantly requires her great nervous and physiological stress: To give a lot of mental strength the child she should receive increased care and attention from her husband "- those golden words of our beloved Benjamin Spock. Having a baby in the family - it's stressful, and very strong. And here it is important not to withdraw into themselves, and all the problems necessarily pronounce ... abstract understanding that in this period the woman is very difficult - a little. And it was a man and goes to the very responsibility that all say so. Just tend to speak of "responsibility for his wife and child", and there is still important and is responsible for the very attitude!

To all the other difficulties you need to remember also about "postpartum depression" (or "syndrome baby blues"), which is like a bolt from the sky falls on poor women after childbirth. It would seem that we should be happy: he was born here, long-awaited favorite baby! Is healthy, merry: but no, crying something young mom, the tears pouring down, upset. According to statistics, a deep postnatal depression, which can last up to one year, subject to every tenth woman in labor. Most often, it is women 25-45 years old. There certainly needs to be in the know to safely survive the dismal period. Doctors say that the whole thing in an unstable position hormone changes the body and so on.

First your helpers during the ensuing post-natal depression - a husband and family. They need to clearly understand the nature of your concern, causeless tears and fears. In no case can not criticize and blame the poor woman for what she is going through too, he twitches on every occasion, and crying. Treat with understanding the young mom, if you can not calm down, then at least do not escalate the situation, once again silent. Remember, this condition is completely normal, and it will soon pass.

However, the young mom she should not fall into the universal sorrow and grief. If possible, try to keep yourself in their hands. If it is in your power, try not to take it out on her husband for a minor offense. Sometimes the fatigue accumulated during the day, make us ungovernable, irritable, but that's no reason to swear and quarrel with the family.


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