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AFTER CHILDBIRTH >> Family after childbirth >> What changes in family relations after childbirth?

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What changes in family relations after childbirth?

Did they change the relationships in your family after the birth of first child? Many of the answers to this question unequivocally: "Yes." Life with a child establishes a completely new rhythm, which can be called home revolution. Young people are more or less difficult to enter the role of parents. Often they are hard to carry a full and continuous submission of the child's needs. He has a lot of needs, and with a loud shout their demands meet. There is a phrase in a book about child care: "Before the baby is born, you were partners, and now you have become a family." But apparently, the opposite occurs.

Man and woman are considered family if register their relationship or simply "conduct a joint household." And both can be completely independent - everyone has their own job, your friends, your entertainment. But since the advent of the child's young parents and grandparents simply forced to become partners - they now have a common cause and a common goal. Are they ready for such a partnership? The second, third and fourth child require no less (and sometimes more) care than the first. Yet the appearance of the first-born is often caused by a protracted family crisis. What's the matter? The fact that the mother is tired and it is difficult to learn how to care for a child. But usually, every month she feels more confident, and family relationships are not adjusted. Many families six months ago rejoiced the birth of the long-awaited heir, suddenly find themselves on the brink of divorce.

What happens? This is particularly true of the psychological difficulties. All family members have to learn new roles, and this requires a psychological flexibility and sufficient maturity. And although the new parents and grandparents were nearly 9 months to prepare, many changes are taken by surprise. First of all, it concerns a young mother. "Mother's Happiness" in our minds is so unconditional and comprehensive that a woman experiences a real shock when confronted with reality. She suddenly realizes that more does not mistress: can not dispose of his own time, does not know when he can sleep, eat, go to the showers. It can achieve something from her husband, but is unable to do anything with her baby. If he wants to have - it has to feed him, if he wants to sleep - it should be rocking it. (You can try to "educate" the child, leaving him to cry alone in a crib, but believe me, the only result of this kind of education is that both you and the child, and other family members will soon find yourself on the verge of a nervous breakdown). And most importantly - this malicious kidnapper of your time and freedom for you to have a very special value. Not only do you any suffering it instantly becomes yours: his cries mean to you what you are - a bad mother who can not cope with their responsibilities. And with such a self-esteem is almost impossible to enjoy motherhood and life in general.

Woman hopes that a husband or older relatives to come to her aid. But her husband is also in a state of stress. He knows that he must "be a good father," but has no idea how to do it. He can not imagine how going to the zoo with a well-mannered (wife) toddler years, three or four, but what to do with the baby? Educate him useless, and swaddle and wipe the ass somehow undignified, and scared - suddenly there was something wrong. And tears and fatigue wife finally convinced him that everyone in his family life goes wrong. How to rectify the situation, he does not know. Men's life is permeated with competition: the man, it is important to prove to himself and others that he is the strongest, the best. Therefore, it is either trying to "put the house in order", forgetting to ask his wife and child, what they would like, or for fear of bugs that are fixed on education (shallow that it is temporary). Man can, for example, to spend the evening with friends and vypivt more beer. It can not hurt his wife, but her every reproach his self-esteem drops lower and lower, and to forget about the fiasco as a father, he needs even more alcohol. So two people who truly love each other, and the child may be the best of intentions firmly and thoroughly ruin each other's lives. Meanwhile melenky child - is the person who will love their father and mother, regardless of whether they are "good" or "bad." He was for a long time there will be no care about your career, your income, your image and how you meet the book and cinematic image of "good parents": he is only important what you do with it and remember it. 

Fuel to the fire pour usually grandparents. And, too, no matter how hard to believe, from the best intentions. For them, the appearance of the first grandchild is a certain milestone in time, and without fear to admit that old age is not just around the corner, many can not. And grandparents or fenced off from her grandson, not wanting to recognize its existence and confining gifts twice a year, or, on the contrary, see the continuation of the life of a baby of his own life trying to "adopt or to adopt" him to feel young again. This inevitable conflict with children who have rightly considered himself an adult and want to get it right recognized older. While all senior members of the family try to solve their problems, peace in the family will not. There really should be the maturity to be (briefly) on some pleasures of life, and flexibility to open new abilities. 

Try to abandon the pattern of "good mother", "good father" and be exactly as mothers and fathers, which are needed for your child. For example, if you prefer to use diapers - use diapers when the baby sleeps with a pacifier is better - give him a pacifier, if he wants to eat every two hours - feed him every two hours if he wants to be with you - be near him. He begins well gain weight, grow a cheerful and relaxed, you will feel justifiably proud of how successfully cope with their new responsibilities and self-confident and self-satisfied person can easily solve any problem and find a solution to any conflict. The second piece of advice: always remember that you will lose, if your family fall apart. It is not even on the economic and social benefits, but about the joy you once received from their life together. Remind her husband about the good days that you were once. If you have something to protect, you should be able to save your family. Psychologists believe that if the wife is sighing with relief when her husband left for a business trip, and my husband darkens when the wife enters the house - means a divorce is imminent. But if, despite all the friction you better together than apart - to stay together, however difficult it may seem.


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